Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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