I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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