i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
