Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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