Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
