dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
