guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
