i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
