i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just tell him i said nine months
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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