Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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