I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
