So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
