you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
