I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
