question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
