a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pants are for mortals
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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