yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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