I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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