Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
