pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
