Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
