I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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