yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
