i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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