She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
