i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
