his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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