Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
