ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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