Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My bed smells like the plague
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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