I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
