Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
