I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
