Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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