OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
