I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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