my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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