her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
