I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
