Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
