News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
