I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
