First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
