There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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