Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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