Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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