he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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