I want to make a zoo with you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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