Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
