i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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