I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
