Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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