wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
