Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
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I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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