i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
