Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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