After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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