I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
