There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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