Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
