I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
