I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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